Neediness and validation seeking in your business is devastating to your success.
Social media is really rooted in validation seeking.
It’s very premise is to put out posts and content that have others comment, like share and engage with. Which is fine. Playing this game is part of life if you are in business today.
But playing it wrong is highly detrimental.
Neediness and validation seeking is harmful to what you do. It weakens your position.
Matter of fact it screams of weakness.
I see a lot of business owners doing 1 of 2 things.
Outright being needy with posting constantly how great their service is.
The 2nd thing I see too much of is people getting on Facebook Live or making posts to really brag about what they are doing in a veiled attempt at giving information.
They do reviews of something they are creating (people care about that?). Instead of being valuable they are being obnoxious, or ostentatious. And really trying to show and tell.
No one wants to work with someone who they feel is “thirsty”.
We all go there sometimes.
It is a basic cascade of emotions we go through when we do not feel secure. Or when something happens that makes us feel out of our element. We go into survival mode. And survival says “if I can get these people to like me again I will be ok.” But that really isn’t the truth.
Nothing changed from 10 minutes ago except how you are percieving your own status.
About 5 years ago I wanted everyone to like me, I needed them to like me, I also wanted to be validated. When I didn’t get that validation I felt less. So I started to really do a lot of self work, between that and training martial arts I learned a lot about myself.
One of the key things I did learn was it’s OK if people don’t like me. I still like me.
It’s OK if people don’t agree with me I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not so others will accept me.
Matter fact through that uncovering I uncovered a power in me that was stronger than all of the validation I ever needed. I liked myself. And that’s really all that mattered. This gave me the strength to go ahead and make videos write posts and reveal the real me.
People would tell me stupid shit like “You shouldn’t make videos like that, people will get offended…I am just looking out for you”… Please. NO you aren’t. You are looking to have people live by your stupid set of rules that don’t even exist outside your brain… I scare you because I explode your idea of success and status. I live life on my own terms. And ultimately I have the balls to be me without trying to pretend, water down, or be a phony. I scare you because in reality I am probably everything you wish you could be.
I wasn’t afraid anymore to be me. The real me. Scars and all.
Let me show you a few things I’ve uncovered since then and hopefully it can help you if you fall victim of self-validating behaviour.
1) Want nothing
Go into every single situation with this notion. “Whatever happens is what is meant to happen.” Be attached to no outcome. Ironically when you are attached to no outcomes, outcomes work out in your favor a LOT more. When you are attached to an outcome the other party senses it.
And it makes them anxious and they feel unsafe and if they feel that you aren’t grounded they won’t want to work with you. Want nothing to happen. If it happens great we can work together. If it doesn’t oh well it’s their loss. Don’t spend time worrying.
2) Focus on your own power
You must go into every single dealing with all people with this mindset. I got this from the book Pitch Anything. “I am the prize” “There are 1000 buyers, but only 1 me.” When you go into deals and business dealings like that you have a very powerful frame that is impenatrable.
When you post on social media stop telling people how awesome you are.
Don’t tell people how your service is just so much better than others or you will lay the foundation for their success. Talk is cheap. The people who can lay the groundfloor level and pave the way of success spend their time either giving value, or showing life and personality. They are not hard up for the sale.
When push comes to shove make sure you focus on your own power. In your own power you can find the stillness to push through the most uncomfortable deal, negotiation or situation.
3) Be ready to walk
This one is my favorite and I use it all the time. You control the frame. You control the game. If you must walk, walk proudly.
Matter fact I just used it recently on a $16,000 deal. I walked. The target wanted a set of videos for a high ticket mastermind group. Essentially one that would make the person a half a million a year. 16k is a STEAL to invest in to make a half a million dollar deal. But someone who didn’t know what great quality marketing and video costs must have been in his ear telling him some crazy number. For numerous days of shooting and numerous videos he wanted to pay 5,000. I wouldn’t even send my JR crew for that.
I kindly thanked him and told him this deal is over. And walked. I didn’t take the 5k, I didn’t renegotiate. It’s evident that if you can’t see how 16k to make a half a million doesn’t pan out to be an amazing deal, you will never see the value in what we do.
Cutting your entry fee to the kingdom into a third, severely shows you are needy and no one will ever respect you from that point on. You must be ready to walk at the drop of a dime. Some things are non-negiotable.
If you use these 3 ideas you will have some serious results and great success. Drop me a line below and let me know what things you do to stop self-validating behaviours.